Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

At 13, a young Jewish person becomes an active and responsible Jewish adult. “Bar/bat mitzvah” literally means “son/daughter of the commandments.” The celebration of a bar/bat mitzvah signifies that the young person is beginning and will continue to function as an active and responsible Jewish person in the synagogue and in the wider Jewish community. Bar Mitzvah refers to a ceremony for a male and a Bat Mitzvah is the ceremony for a female. 

What happens during the service at the Synagogue/Temple?  

Lily will lead the congregation through several prayers in both Hebrew and English, and will read from the Torah for the first time. Reading from the Torah requires years of learning and an intense nine months of individual study leading up to the service. Lily will also deliver a d'var torah, which is a speech about the Torah portion for the week. There are prayer books which will have both the Hebrew and English words for everyone to follow along.

I'm not Jewish, is it ok if I come to the morning service?

Absolutely! Please come! Watch and participate as much or as little as you feel comfortable. We will hand out programs that will help you understand what is happening in the service and so that you can follow along.

What should I wear?

Guests at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s typically wear dressier clothes, such as dresses, skirts, nice pants, button down shirts and ties. Jackets and ties are not required, but many people will wear them. Usually, kids take off their ties for the party! Jeans, t-shirts, shorts, halter tops, and very short dresses/skirts are not Temple-appropriate.  If you want to wear a strapless dress, a sweater or something else to cover your shoulders should be worn during the service. Lily will be in her sneakers and hopes many of her friends will be as well!

Are we supposed to wear hair coverings or a prayer shawl in the synagogue?

In our synagogue it is not required that all people wear a head covering or kippah (KEEP-ah) (also called a yarmulke in Yiddish) but everyone is welcome to wear them. In general, wearing a kippah is not a symbol of religious identification but is rather an act of respect to G-d and the sacredness of the sanctuary (worship space).  There will be a basket of kippot available for you to wear if you are comfortable. Prayer shawls, or tallit (tah-LEET or TAHL-is) are generally worn by Jewish people over 13 in temple to help remind the wearer to observe the commandments of Judaism. Lily will be receiving her tallit during her bat mitzvah service. Fun fact: Lily helped design her tallit and it was handmade just for her.  

I can't make it to the service but would love to come to the party (or vice versa!), is that ok?

Of course, that is ok. We know more than anyone how hard scheduling can be (hello, basketball and softball!). We absolutely understand that it may not be possible for you to attend both events. Just let us know which you are planning on attending if you cannot come to both.  If something comes up and your plans change it would also be helpful for us to know.  Lily is missing her own basketball tournament for this special occasion and has made it clear she doesn’t want all her friends to have to do that, too!  It is okay to come for just the service or just the party.

My child was invited. Can I come along to the service and/or the party?

You are welcome to come with your child to the morning service.  Your child can also come to the service on their own and sit with friends. Please be sure to give them a run-down of what to expect and brief them on general etiquette (no talking during the service, silence all cell phones, etc.). As for the party, we wish we could have absolutely everyone, but we are unfortunately limited by space. If the invitation has just your child's name on it, you can drop them off at the Temple Sinai and pick them up at the end of the event.  We are guessing that will be around 3:45-4:00. If you have any concerns, please let Emily or Dave know!

Behavior at the service and party

Lily’s Bat Mitzvah Service starts at 10:00 am.  It is hard to tell exactly when it will be over but generally between 11:30-12:00 is a safe bet.  It is ok to come in after the service has started or leave to use the bathroom.  It would be distracting to Lily to have a big group of friends leave at once, so avoiding that would be helpful.  Phones should be on silent mode or turned off. There really should not be talking other than Lily and the people leading the service.    

After the service, there will be drinks and appetizers for the adults in the hallway.  There will be a table set up with place cards for kids. They can get their card, go right into the party room to start having fun and get some food!  The party will include a slideshow of Lily through the years, as she has grown up, a candle lighting ceremony, and a traditional dance called the Hora.  Besides these things, the entire party is really for the kids.  There will be games, prizes, dancing, a photo booth and how could we not have a pop-a-shot!  Lily has a lot of family and friends sharing on her special day.  Besides all the adults, the youngest partier will be around 6 weeks old and there will be high schoolers in attendance as well.  The party takes place in the Temple/Synagogue so we would be grateful if you could remind your child to have appropriate behavior in this setting.  We will make sure they have time to run and move around after the service.